Muse - the Resistance Tour 2010

"Calgary! Great to be here. I think the last time we were here we played in a shopping mall... cheers."

There wasn't a lot of chit-chat from the band, but when front-man and lead guitarist Matthew Bellamy addressed the crowd he was a rockstar. For a tiny dude, Bellamy really owned the stage. As did the rest of the three man power house. But they had to, what choice did they have when they literally set the stage so high.

Muse answered the anticipation right out of the gates with a one-two punch of Uprising and Resistance, a pair of tour-de-force tracks off their latest album that dig into rebellion and strength of humanity while satisfying the surface with catchy musical tears. If a couple of heavy-hitters didn't draw the crowd in, the audience had no way of escaping the Muse experience that the band unleashed with an assault on all five senses.

The stage came to life with three tall towers looking out over the swaying ocean of audience. Projected images of worker-drones zombieing-up the walls of the towers moved slowly to the enterlude. As the music swelled, the drones tumbled, along with the thin curtains that covered the towers' true structure. The three band members were revealed, exploding with their own energy, each on display part way up their own tower. Powerful and bizarre images, rolling colours, and live action shots of the band bounced off the tower walls complementing the performance of the stage lights and the most incredible laser show I've ever seen. Freakin' Laser Beams!!! It was more than a Live Presentation, it was a Music Experience. Muse created a balance between it's opera-style symphonic rock and the raw yet psychedelic visual adventure that burst outwards from the stage. With each new window that was opened to the audience's wide eyes, the band's classic rockstar moves elevated the act, never allowing the music or the stage to pull ahead of one another.

By the time the set had sent people to their feet, the lower portions of the towers had disappeared into the floor of the stage allowing Bellamy and bassist Christopher Wolstenholme to cruise the stage while Dominic Howard continued to massage the drum skins. The pure rock 'n roll of leg kicks and knee slides contrasted the rest of the Muse presence with ease, never allowing your mind to get too comfortable with the show.

The potent sent of drifting marijuana clouds, the cool stale taste of bad draft, the physical rumble of rock waves that resonated heart to head and back again, the sticky floors, the simple seats, the haze from the fog machines, the dancing lights, the gentle hum that cried from your ear trying to push out the crowd's muffled cacophony during the amps repose; it all draws on your mind, sketching more than a picture can remember.

As the songs blended into themselves with captivating little interludes, the loss I felt with the end of each song was instantly forgotten as another Great began to gain momentum. Muse injected a decade's worth of theatrical pieces into their new Resistance works, rewarding the fanatic while introducing the newly-converted into the depths of their world. I got lost in each song, following the art from as many places as I could handle - from the comfort of a full body trance to the soul quenching sing-along of a stadium wide following, Muse infiltrated my being. It was the perfect performance that I immediately wanted to hit repeat on.

Not since Kings of Leon have I been so mesmerized by live music. With confidence I can claim 'Satisfaction Guaranteed' to both late nineties Showbiz owners and music lovers who don't know Muse from the Kills. Great is Great, and sometimes that level of quality elevates a performance above genre, bypassing the restriction of personal preference, and opening an experience up to all who have the luxury of being present for it. If you like Great, then the Muse Resistance Tour is for you. My plan is to line up the discography, set it to shuffle, and drift back to the concert that I will have never left every time I press play on Muse.

Even my complaints are the "Perfectionist" answer to one's faults:
- In general I find that the Babydoll Merch T's are far better than the Men's options. I still bought a great shirt, but why the girlies get all the good stuff is beyond me.
- During the 4th song of the set, Supermassive Black Hole, a supermassive number of fat female Twilight fans came out of the wood work and lost their mind... only to disappear once again by the time Hysteria had started.
- There was a serious lack of 'Crazies', 'Freaks', and 'Nutjobs'. The 'Unusual Suspects' and I don't travel in the same circles, so when I go to a concert I want to see some weirdo tattos that distract from the eerie piercings but complement the creepy hair styles and bizarro attire. This was the most standard group of people since I last walked through the Gap.
- No need for earplugs was both a blessing, since I forgot my subtle neon yellows, and a let down: my ears are no longer ringing and it's only been like 18hours since I left the stadium.
- I didn't get to hit one of the large eye-ball balloons that fell from the rafters near the end of the set. Every time one of the eye-balls burst there was a celebration of confetti that showered the area.
- An hour and a half is no where near enough Muse time. Although I was beyond impressed at how every song they played was playlist worthy, I later realized that they could have been out there for another concert's worth of favourites. I need more Muse!
- From section 211, row 6, seat 16, this was all I could come up with in terms of complaints... Oh, no backstage pass / meet-and-greet... that's all I've got.



Calgary Concert Setlist:
1) Uprising (Resistance)
2) Resistance (Resistance)
3) New Born (Origin...)
4) Supermassive Black Hole (Black Holes...)
5) Interlude (instrumental)
6) Hysteria (Absolution)
7) MK Ultra (Resistance)
8) Nishe (instrumental)
9) United States of Eurasia (Resistance)
10) Feeling Good (Origin...)
11) Helsinki Jam (insturmental)
12) Undisclosed Desires (Resistance)
13) Starlight (Black Holes...)
14) Unnatural Selection (Resistance)
15) Time is Running Out (Absolution)
16) Plug in Baby (Origins...)

Encore:
17) Exogenesis: Symphony Part 1 (Overture) (Resistance)
18) Stockholm Syndrome (Absolution)
19) Knights of Cydonia (Black Holes...)

Albums:
Showbiz (1999)
Origin of Symmetry (2001) [3 tracks]
Hullabaloo (2002)
Absolution (2003) [3 tracks]
Black Holes & Revelations (2006) [3 tracks]
H.A.A.R.P. Live from Wembley Stadium (2008)
the Resistance (2009) [7 tracks]
... and a few other B-sides

Special thanks to my iPhone for the raw remembrance...

We should get together and compare Hair Styles...

So you are on the bench, deep in the darkness of the dug-out. Lately the challenge has been to master the Dying-Moth, a complicated and delicate Sunflower Seed Spit. It's cozy, you're with your friends, you have the best seat in the house. But something is missing. Dying-Moth or not, you long for more. Suddenly the Manager chokes out your name through a cheek full of chew. 'Jack! Git ur ass in therr!' This is it. Literally time to step up to the plate. It's what you want, it's what you've trained for, but it's been so long since you've swung the bat in front of the real deal audience that your confidence hesitates. A couple of shaky practice swings later and you're starring at the pitcher starring at you. Excitement, anxiety, a pounding heart, a sweaty grip, the refocus of a jittery, wandering mind - you're in the game. Time to man up.

I've played some little league, crushed a couple of 12-foot arcs, and each year I'll fast forward through the one-sixty-plus to get to the post season of the MLB, but I don't play baseball, so who knows if I know what I think I know when it comes to that pressure-cooker of a 'you're up to bat' scenario. What I do know is that after warming the bench for months, with not so much as a look from my metaphorical Manager, I had to make sure I didn't pull something when I jumped up and answered that 'Git ur ass in therr!' call. You can't really plan for this stuff, that's what makes it so interesting, that's when you know you're really living, that's why you just have to be ready to always bring the swing...

The following is an excerpt from a documented email correspondence between Jack Webb and one of his associates known only as 'Matty'.

Hey Matty,

Yep, this is me, emailing you from an office (okay fine, it's a cubicle, but it's spacious and without any sign of a fourth wall, so it has a certain je ne sais quoi). This is how it when down: a Friend of my Dad emails my Pops and says he knows a guy, Rick Webb then forwards the intel, and I magic together a one-two punch of Jack Webb Coverletter-Resume. A very small handful of days later I get the call, it's meet and greet time. An interview, offer, and contract later... employed! After weeks and months of silence, the job scene in the Webb World cried out 'Suit Up'! (NPH in HIMYM) But even the unexpected isn't entirely immuned from the unexpected; I get blind sided by a new job, and the new job gets hit right back with a surprise week of vacation. 'One week on, One week off' is the way to go Matty. I started on a Monday and by the next Monday I had traded chairs - Office for Beach. It made sense to me. Work for five days, go to MeHico for seven, then belly back up to the desk for a few more 9-to-5s. But the plot thickens. As my tan and freckles fought the Calgary Climate, I had to scramble to empty out the board shorts and sandals and upgrade the gear to mitts and long-johns. It's the Sand-for-Snow 2010 campaign. Next up the Fernie Weekend, forecast: Fun. So 'Whyyyy soooo SErious?' (Joker-esque) you might ask. Well, this busy little song-and-dance has distracted me from the important things in life: the Bromance. When was the last time team Matt-and-John took to the town? Don't answer that! It will only stir up the happiness of treasured memories and remind us how long it's truly been. All I can say is, we must do better. But I'm not worried, cubicles and sandy beaches and engiNerd field-positions (not as dirty as it sounds) can't break this covalent-bond of awesomeness. Distance and Time and 'King Kong ain't got sh!t on me' slash us (Training Day). Can you feel it Matty, the anticipation is building, and the world will not be able handle the reunion. Hombres and Beautiful-Babies (Swingers) alike will know that the heat is coming when we again meet face to face, compare rockin' hair styles, and accept the challenge: to tear it up! Until then, 'I will see you there or I will see you on another time' (I Love You, Man - epic bromance flicker)

With a Big Exaggerated Hi-5,

Hi-Jacked!



The following is filed photography documenting Jack Webb's recent activity...



What happens in Cabo, Stays in Cabo. Unless of course you own a Sanyo Xacti with 9 megapixal still photography and 720p high definition video capabilities...

This is where all the problems of the world are solved, on the chair, up to the top of the next greatest run of your life. Fernie, it never disappoints...



MattMas 2008: (from left to right), Matty with the '90s studs, the crazy eyes of a MattMas diehard, a pink-scarfed cowboy look that wears Jack well. MattMas is much like Christmas, but with a different colour theme (light green & pink), and instead of celebrating Christ, this is a celebration of Matt...


Jack-in-a-box... or Jack-in-a-cubicle... bringing the business...



End of transmission...

'Just Trying to Survive' on the Little Screen

The following is half of an email correspondence that took place on Friday, March 12th, 2010. It is my reply to a friend and fellow Passionate Viewer who could go pro if he wanted to make watch the Best Television his business. He takes his Television just as seriously as we do at Hi-Jacked!

Now as for that Survivor show... WOW! I am still blown away by it's existence. It's like being in Time Square, or seeing Seinfeld live, or jumping on a motorcycle - I can't get used to it, I can't wrap my mind around how something so surreal can actually be, well, real. And it's not like this bad boy has peaked and is on a steady decline, which to me is shocking since it burst out of the gates so powerfully with that Premiere. Each episode makes me forget about the last. Each challenge feels more important than any other challenge. Each eviction seems like a tragedy, until the next episode when I almost forget that the show has lost anyone because it is still SO good. A few thoughts I've been having:

- How is it possible that Rupert is not only still in the game, but has never been a potential victim of the vote off? He's never even been mentioned as an option. I don't know what he's bringing to the table, at all. I'm fine with having him around, he feels like a lose canon and looks like a sick pirate, which keeps things interesting, for me, but why is his tribe fine with having him around?

- Is there any way that the alliance choice that JT made last night can be viewed as anything but terrible? He could have voted out James and his crippled leg, joined up with Colby, Tom, and Candice, leaving only Amanda (weak physically and emotionally - nice girl, don't get me wrong, but she's one rain storm away from totally losing it) and Rupert (I get it, he looks like something from Where the Wild Things Are, but he's still a big pile of useless) to oppose him. Instead he is now on a team with Amanda, Rupert, and 1-legged James. I'm a James fan for sure, even if he does seem unstable (short one leg and a bag of marbles), but these tribes are going to merge at some point, and JT's team right now would just get torn apart by those wily villains.

- I can't believe how badly the Heroes Tribe is doing in challenges? Physical, Mental, it doesn't seem to matter, the Heroes suck, biiiiiiig time! I think it comes down to one thing, Boston Rob. Villains have him, Heroes don't. The guy is a game changer, a leader, and by far the coolest cat I've seen on TV in a long time, maybe in Forever. Heroes oddly enough lack in leadership, and seem to have none of that 'make it happen' drive that has clinched so many of these challenges for the Villains. It's baffling to me that a team full of physically weak players (Danielle and her boobs, Tyson and his crushing wit, even Jerry and her pent up bitch-anger), nutcases (Coach the self-proclaimed Dragon-Slayer, Russell the self-proclaimed Greatest-Human-Ever), and individuals of pure Survivor-Evil (Sandra with her powers of Mean, Parvati with her powers of Seduction) can dominate what should be an unstoppable Heroes' force. I love it, I love those Villains, and I love that this show can still surprise me.

- So many stories, so many characters, so many possibilities, so little show. There's just not enough survivor in a week. I need two episodes or two hours or behind the scenes stuff or something, I just plain need more. It's great that they can jump from a scene where Tom and Colby are working on JT, and I feel like this is the big story line, only to have the show cut to Russell working on Coach in an attempt to go after Rob. There's just SO many survivor greats - it's all quality, no filler.

- The Probst. God that guy is good. He's the ultimate Survivor. Best Host of the Reality world without a question. I am loving the Tribal's, and think he is really getting a lot of good stuff out of the castaways at the challenges. It seems like he is very familiar with how he addresses this group (obviously he knows them all already), which I think allows for more interaction between player and host, more discussion, more arguments, more intensity, more Probst-probing. Probst won't let these guys off easy, which is the way it should be; grill 'em.

- I think we are going to see some stuff coming up that we can't even pretend to imagine right now. This could be based on the social game with strange alliances, big face-offs, backstabbing, and side switchers, or maybe the game layout with no-merge, a team shuffle, more idols, or it could even be the unexpected exits like injuries or quitters or ejections (I'm expecting anything). All I know is that each season of survivor has brought something new and previously unforeseeable, and this season is the BEST of the BEST and doesn't seem like it plans on slowing down at all. You're right, Most Exciting Show on Television right now, F'SHO! ... if there are people out there not watching "Survivor: Heroes vs Villains" but still watching TV, mistakes are being made, atrocious mistakes.

A quick tangent towards Lost (without referring to this weeks episode, I dread the idea of causing a spoiler... a Spoiler Causer is a murder of dreams, happiness, and smiles): Again, just like each package of episodes, this season is something new. The show still has that classic Lost vibe, but this is a very different season, with a different formula, a different path, and a different set of rules. I'm very much lost (it's the right word for it, with this show it's always the right word for it) with the 'alternate reality' concept, but I like that the characters are making parallel choices (Sayid goes bad in both realities, Linus chooses to change in both cases) which shows me that there is a force within each person that is driving them and shaping who they are, regardless of their surrounding environment. I have no idea how the show is going to wrap things up with less than 10 episodes left, but Lost has never let me down, and has seemingly painted itself in a corner before only to escape through a trap door.

I'm interested in how much the core characters have changed since season one, and how they are taking on different roles - Hurley, Jack, Kate, Sun, Jin, Sawyer, Locke, they have all been so heavily affected by what's happened since the plane dropped out of the sky, that even though they still possess the same fundamental character traits, these are vastly different people.

I'm so intrigued by the secrets and workings of the island - Jacob, Smocke (haha, I love that), the lighthouse, the temple, the unexplainable like the 'evil' in Claire which seems to be after Sayid, the Others (how great is it that the workings of the Others is style so mysterious - Richard, what's his deal), I just can't get enough. This will go down as one of my favourite shows of all time (and one of the biggest lost opportunities by those who didn't watch), even if it doesn't end as strongly as we would like, the way it has captivated me and the detail of the story can't be denied, this is a tremendous component of television history.

Anyways, as you can tell, I don't have access to the fitness centre yet, so I have used my Lunch Break for good and not evil, to talk TV, haha. Hopefully this little / massive ramble allowed for a nice afternoon break...

March 2010 appears to be all about Survival.

2009 Movie Yearbook

There were hundreds of movies released in 2009, which means there were hundreds of terrible movies released in 2009. I don't know who okays disasters like 'Paul Blart: Mall Cop' or why it seemed appropriate to anyone that there be a sequel to some waste of time like Steve Martin's 'the Pink Panther', but there are people out there ruining lives with this cinematic garbage. How do these people sleep at night knowing that the planet Earth is worse off now that their movies exist? Forget Global Warming, the toxic waste that is polluting our planet is hitting us at 24 frames per second.

I saw 'the Taking of Pelhem 123'; no good. Big Old waste of time. I love the Denzel, long for Travolta's Chili Palmer, but sometimes bad movies just happen. So I wish to do my part: Do not see this movie, ever. And it's not the worst movie of 2009, it's not even the worst movie about Trains of 2009. There's too much out there that can injure your hour-glass, bank-statement, and emotional stability, so before you fork over your precious time, money, and self, follow the guide and lock in to one of the hidden gems buried beneath the big screen pollution.

With the Academy Awards unveiled and one of the great Oscar nights vaulted in our memories, a final look at 2009 marks the end of another year at the Cinema. Even though many red carpets have already been marched across this awards season, when it comes to trophies you can't ignore Oscar. But Oscar can ignore you, which is why we the Film Fanatic need more than the critically acclaimed to colour our Must-C list. If a petit picture like the Dark Knight can somehow get passed up in 2008 during the nodding of the nomination heads, then the Best Picture contenders for Oscar cannot be the cumulative list. That is why the experts at Hi-Jacked! have put together a compilation of everything film from 2009. It would have been nice to have this baby running live for all the Hi-Jacked! addicts out there, all the loyal listeners, but unfortunately if we are to be thorough here we need to wait in line like everyone else. Maybe one day I'll have the back-stage pass needed to get in on the advanced screenings that all the 'legit' critics attend. Until that day though, there needs to be a little give from 2010 so that I can take all that '09 has to offer. There's more to movies than the top 10, there's more to 2009 than Avatar, there's more to this guide than a few favourites. With confidence I can say that when it comes to this last year in film, the 2009 Movie Yearbook is all you need to know...

Best Performance by anyone who came near the Screen:
Christoph Waltz as Col. Hans Landa (Inglourious Basterds)

- Those sneaky Germans have been hiding Christoph Waltz. Buried deep within local Mini Series and trapped in the bodies of tertiary TV characters, the mastermind behind Col. Landa was a surprise inside a secret (the surprise: Christopher Waltz is a Trophy caliber actor, the secret: Landa is the star of this film). Like the ‘Jew Hunter’ that Waltz danced across the movie as, Tarantino hunted down this veiled talent and added another treasured personality to his long list of Mr. Pinks, Stuntman Mikes, and ‘the Man from Hollywood’s’ Chester (who I have a sneaking suspicion is Tarantino himself, played perfectly by Tarantino himself). Col. Hans Landa battles and wins every scene he’s in and doesn’t waste a word as he works his mesmerizing hypnotics. "That's a Biiiiingo!"
- see The Hans Landa at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ltnt1-s6OYw&feature=related)

(past winners: Heath Ledger as the Joker in the Dark Knight, Daniel Day-Lewis as Daniel Plainview in There Will Be Blood, Johnny Depp as Captain Jack Sparrow in Pirates of the Caribbean)

- A Hi-Jacked! Fun Fact: the '08-'09 parallels run deep in this category, like Ledger's Joker (the winner of last year's award) Col. Landa was also recognized by the Academy with a best supporting actor prize. And like the Joker's Dark Knight, it is the opinion of the crew at Hi-Jacked! (which is me), that Landa's Inglourious Basterds should have taken the trophy for best picture. Great performances working in great films...

Best Trailers:

- Star Trek (this isn't your father's Star Trek)
- the Hangover (some guys just can't handle Vegas)
(let the party begin at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DKT2kEmlGSU&feature=related)
- Inglourious Basterds (once upon a time in Nazi Occupied France)
- Zombieland (nut up or shut up)
- Where the Wildthings are (there's one in all of us)
- District 9 (no one knows what goes on in District 9)
- Paranormal Activity (Don't See it Alone)
- Nine (Be Italian!)
- Sherlock Holmes (Nothing Escapes Him)
(see the Holmes Preview at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QUQbmFAE5WI)

(past winners: Pineapple Express, Funny Games)

It was worth it for the Trailer:

The screen goes black and you sit there wishing it wasn't so... Sometimes movies just don't cut it. Expectations are too high, sequels can't keep up, the movie's too weird, or not weird enough, could be bad acting, directing, writing, editing, maybe it's all flare and no substance, too much substance and not enough style, all style and no heart... or it could be just a bad movie. There are so many things that can go wrong with a film that it's amazing they're allowed to be made in the first place. However, every now and then a movie drowns miserably as a feature and yet leaves behind a brilliant trailer. Here are a few of those silver linings:
- Public Enemies (you don't need the movie if you watch this http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q8xOgO7_eT8)
- the Box
- Observe & Report
- the Boondock Saints 2: All Saints Day

Best Boondock Saints movie of the Year:

Boondock Saints 2: All Saints Day
- It's no replacement for the original dance of the vigilante masterpiece, but Saints 2 has all the usual suspects. More like a tribute to the cult classic, All Saints Day does its best to replicate the original, following a road map that takes audience down a familiar path. Even though the fabric of the movie brings nothing new to the table, true fans of the Saints will be given new favourite quotes, epic action sequences, and that brotherly love that make Connor and Murphy such heroes. It's the Best Boondock Saints movie in years. (the Saints are coming... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CmDhSNssaOI)

(past winners of similar awards: Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull wins for Best Indiana Jones Movie of the Year)

Top Scary-Me Crazy Movies:
- Paranormal Activity (the fear just builds in you until you are physically shaking by the time the final scene Hits you) - even this is terrifying: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F_UxLEqd074
- the Uninvited (you wish you hadn't been invited to this movie... it will haunt your mind for weeks)
- Orphan (the tagline for this movie should have been "Never Adopt", or at least "Never Adopt Esther, cause she's the creepiest kid alive")
- Friday the 13th (Jason is a killing machine, he is a first-line all-star murdering Slasher... he's going to the show)
- Haunting in Connecticut (Old Houses, the Unknown, true stories... good luck sleeping)
- Pandorum ("Do you know the Symptoms of Pandorum?" Yeah, Fear! A Haunting concept)
(feel the symptoms at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jMhgI83ny54&feature=related)
- the Children (it's less of a parenting guide and more of a warning: Don't have kids. It's just as creepy as Esther.)
- Quarantine (okay this might be an '08 film, but sometimes you can't contain 'scary' in a calendar year.)

(past winners: the Strangers, the Ruins)

Bang for your Buck:

Thrillers, Suspense, Horror, the Supernatural, Gore; there are many different sub-genres that aim to jar the minds of the audience. Some movies attack you emotionally, others toy with your imagination, there's in your face fear, there's subtle mind games, there's pain and then there's the ever present idea of pain. With the correct chemistry, the sound, the camera, the colours can all make you feel like you've completely lost control. Then again, sometimes you just want a nice, heavy body count:

- Friday the 13th
- Sorority Row
- Halloween 2
- the Final Destination
- Saw 6

(Want a little extra involvement? Try to guess who (if anyone) will survive, and in what order they will go... let the games begin)

Best Line of the Year:

The movie ends, you turn to the person next to you and it's the first thing you say. You buy the Blu-Ray and before pressing play you search it out just to satisfy the craving. You've YouTubed it, set it as your Facebook Status, and tried to pass it off as your own. Sometimes it's ridiculous, sometimes it's profound, sometimes it encompasses the atmosphere of the entire film, and sometimes it's just downright cool. It's that quote that makes the scene, makes the movie, makes the year...

"You probably heard we ain't in the prisoner-takin' business; we in the killin' Natzi business. And cousin, Business is a-boomin'." - Brad Pitt as Lt. Aldo Raine (Inglourious Basterds)

A Few Other Notable Sound Bites...

Watchmen Double Header
- Rorschach: "The world will look up and shout save us, and I'll whisper... No!"
(he whispers NO! @ http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ARDhJ2dpuYU&feature=related)
- Rorschach: "You all got it wrong: I'm not trapped in here with you - You're all locked in here with me!"
Dead Snow
- Roy: "Where the f$&k did you get a machine gun from?"
Whip it
- Razor: "You guys came in second out of two team. Yeah, let's celebrate mediocrity! That's fantastic..."

I Love you, Man
- Everything that came out of Peter's mouth! (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G0le3GWyW-k)
- Peter: "Slapping the bass. Slappa de bass, mon!"
Inglourious Basterds
- The entire script!
- Col. Hans Landa: "That's a Bingo!" (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ugpg8XruhVk&feature=related)
Taken
- Bryan Mills: "I don't know who you are. I don't know what you want. If you are looking for ransom, I can tell you I don't have money. But what I do have are a very particular set of skills; skills I have acquired over a very long career. Skills that make me a nightmare for people like you. If you let my daughter go now, that'll be the end of it. I will not look for you, I will not pursue you. But if you don't, I will look for you, I will find you, and I will kill you."
(Liam Neeson says it best @ http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5Y_Wu36wIEM&feature=related)
Zombieland
- Columbus: "You guys want some Purel?" (after disposing of a dead body)
- Tallahassee: "What do you think, Zombie Kill of the Week?"
the Last House on the Left
- John Collingwood: "You're paralyzed from the neck down... I didn't have any rope, or duct tape"
I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell
- Tucker Max: "I'm gonna hit that so hard, the person that pulls it out will become the next king of England."
Star Trek
- Dr. Leonard 'Bones' McCoy: "Are you out of your Vulcan mind?"
Funny People
- (to the large Swedish Doctor) George Simmons: "Are you mad that you died at the end of Die Hard?"
- Leo: "I'm gonna put glasses on your ass so when I f$*k you it looks like you're giving me a blowjob."
Sherlock Holmes
- Sherlock Holmes: "The game's afoot."
- Sherlock Holmes: "It's a matter of professional integrity! No girl wants to marry a doctor who can't tell if a man's dead or not."

the Hangover
- Everything said by Zach Galifianakis
- Phil Wenneck: Would you please put some pants on? I feel weird having to ask you twice.
- Alan Garner: "Ha ha! Drivin' drunk. Classic."
- Alan Garner: "There's a jungle cat in the bathroom!"
- Alan Garner: "Four of us wolves, running around the desert together, in Las Vegas, looking for strippers and cocaine. So tonight, I make a toast!"
- Phil Wenneck: "Who was that guy? He was so mean!"
Jennifer's Body
- Needy Lesnicky: "I thought you only murdered boys." / Jennifer Check: "I go both ways."
- Jennifer Check: "It smells like Thai food in here. Have you guys been f&^king?"

(past winners: "What the F*% have you done today?!" - James McAvoy as Wesley Gibson [Wanted], "Let's put a smile on that face!" - Heath Ledger as the Joker [the Dark Knight])

Best Served Cold / the Revenge Awards:

- the Last House on the Left: I wanted to jump through the screen and do terrible, regrettable things to the 'Bad Guys' (who took their job way too seriously), even before they reached the last house on the left. When Dad steps up to protect his 'Sweet Child O'Mine' I cheered.
-Taken: When you take some innocent girl and plan to do bad things to her, you better make sure that Liam Neeson isn't that girls father, otherwise you are Effed!
- Inglourious Basterds: American-Jews killing 'Naatzis', sounds pretty perfect to me.

(past winners: the Count of Monte Cristo)

Best Character Names Prize: Zombieland
- Based on their destinations, Tallahassee, Columbus, Wichita, and Little Rock avoid the personal connection that comes from knowing first names... welcome to Zombieland.

(past winners: Inside Man for 'Stevie', 'Steve', 'Steve-o' & Reservoir Dogs for the Mr. [Colours])

Forrest Gump / Go-Have-A-Good-Cry Award: the Lovely Bones
- Somehow the movie manages to suck all the life out of you, scramble it up, and hand it back to you without apology. There's laughter before fear, there's beauty and art and love, there's suspense that bleeds into anger, and there's a creepiness that leaves you uneasy even when you think you should smile. The movie messes with your emotions, and the result is that it touches your soul. Caution: it may take some time to recover from this one.

(past winners: the Curious Case of Benjamin Button)

Be My Girlfriend Award:
They're the full package, the real deal, the babes with the brains and the beauty, the Girl Next Door and One of the Guys... protect your hearts fellas

- Malin Akerman (Watchmen & Couples Retreat)
- Emma Stone (Zombieland)
- Sarah Roemer (Fired Up)
- Kristin Bell (Fanboys)
- Natalie Portman (Brothers)
- Minka Kelly (500 Days of Summer)
- Amanda Seyfried (Jennifer's Body)
- Emma Roberts (Lymelife)
- Amanda Righetti (Friday the 13th)
- Scarlett Johansson (He's Just not that into you)

(past winners: Mila Kunis in Forgetting Sarah Marshall, Michelle Monohan in Eagle Eye)

Bad Ass Hottie that you're kind of Afraid might Kill you:

- Megan Fox - Jennifer's Body
- Sienna Miller - G. I. Joe
- Mélanie Laurent - Inglourious Basterds

(past winners: Angelina Jolie)

the Evil X-chromosome:
Ugh, I just want to slap these terrible people. These teases, these flirts, these heartbreakers... these Girls! They wield their magic and without a second thought or worry in the world they crush dreams and destroy lives. The true Villains are...

- Mischa Barton (Assassination of a High School President)
- Zooey Deshanel (500 Days of Summer)
- Vera Farmiga (Up in the Air)
- Rachel McAdams (Sherlock Holmes)
- Kristen Stewart (Adventure Land)
- Claire Danes (Me and Orson Welles)
- Mila Kunis (Extract)
- Isabelle Fuhrman (Orphan)
- Lynn Collins (Wolverine)
- Arielle Kebbel (the Uninvited)

the Rules that Ruled: Zombieland
Columbus, our paranoid lovable hero of the United States of Zombieland, got as far as he did by sticking to a simple set of rules. Zombie outbreaks are no cake walk, so one must remain vigilant, and take care to not get caught in a Zombie-friendly setting. Here are a few of Columbus' fundamentals to surviving the post-apocalyptic land of the dead:

- Rule 1: Cardio (it's the Fatties that are the first to go)
- Rule 2: Double Tap (when it comes to Zombies there's no use being stingy with your bullets... plus in the world of movies, the living dead love to live again even after they appear to be dead, it's classic horror movie stuff, you have to know these things)
- Rule 3: Beware of Bathrooms (the Zombie's can Smell your vulnerability - don't get caught with your pants down)
- Rule 4: Seatbelts (safety first, even when you're being targeted as a Zombie Happy Meal - it's going to be a bumpy ride)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2ImcKwcU1qU

(past winners: Wedding Crashers - ex: "Rule #115: Never walk away from a crasher in a funny jacket!")

The Crank Award / Single Man Wrecking Crew:
There are good guys, there are great guys, and then there are those characters that make Being Awesome a true thing of beauty. These are the guys who respond to the question "Yeah, you and what army?" with a series of moves that kills everything in the room. Bad Guys beware, removing you from existence is their specialty, and man they are goooooooood.

- Liam Neeson (Bryan Mills - Taken)
- Jason Statham Double Header (Frank Martin in the Transporter 3 & Chev Chelios in Crank: High Voltage

(past winners: Stalon's Rambo, Daniel Craig's James Bond)

the All-American Style Heroes:
The modern day cowboy. The one who saves the damsel in distress. The knight in shining armour who makes Robin Hood look like he's on the sly. When it comes to these Heroes, John Wayne would approve...

- Walt Kowalski (Clint Eastwood - Gran Torino)
- Logan / Wolverine (Hugh Jackman - X-Men Origins: Wolverine)
- Tuvia Bielski (Daniel Craig - Defiance)

(past winners: the Cast of United 93, Bruce Willis as John McClane [Die Hards], Christian Bale as Dan Evans [3:10 to Yuma])

'Don't Mess with Me' / 'I'm Angry' Movie Award: Terminator Salvation

- I maintain that the TV Spot for Terminator Salvation should have been a thirty second action montage of devastating destruction set to Christian Bale's tirade of rage on that poor bastard who messed with his vibe while on set (it should be noted that I whole heartedly support the outburst and believe that Christian Bale is The Man). This movie tells a great story of conflict, perseverance, and sacrifice, and it tells it all through gritted teeth. I left the theatre feeling great, granted I wanted to fight something, anything, but I was really feeling good about that.
(hear the rant at: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0auwpvAU2YA)

About More Than the Sport:
Invictus
- I know nothing of Rugby, and I was totally captivated and physically confused by the chills, adrenaline, and exhaustion that had beaten my body down by the time the movie's major moments had wound down. Morgan Freeman, Matt Damon, and the Rugby Lads, along with Clint Eastwood make this movie so much more than a Sports Flick.
the Damned United
- It's a story about a truly outrageous and amazing man. It doesn't matter that he is a coach, or that he's working across the pond, or that he's doing his thing in the English Premier League. What matters is he's one of the most interesting characters of fiction that, as it turns out, is not fictitious at all. The true story of the outspoken soccer manager who manages very well with making life beyond difficult before it comes anywhere near good.

(past winners: Friday Night Lights, Mystery Alaska, Any Given Sunday, Rudy)

Best Characters that weren't Waltz's Landa:

- Mark Whitacre (Matt Damon - the Informant!)
- Lt. Aldo Raine (Brad Pitt - Inglourious Basterds)
- the Bear Jew (Eli Roth - Inglourious Basterds)
- Tallahassee (Woody Harrelson - Zombieland) (See Tallahassee at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0srcnqE6lQM & http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M94v3OEu4gY)
- Rorschach (Jackie Earle Haley - Watchmen)

- James T Kirk (Chris Pine - Star Trek)
- Nikolai (Adam Brody - Jennifer's Body)
- Barry (John Favreau - I Love You, Man)
- Dean (Ben Affleck - Extract)
- Tucker Max (Matt Czuchry - I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell)
(I want to be Tucker Max's friend... or not: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2vOQdCZmNEg)
- Brian Clough (Michael Sheen - the Damned United)
- SSG William James (Jeremy Renner - the Hurt Locker)
- Orson Welles (Christian McKay - Me & Orson Welles)
- B.O.B. (Seth Rogan - Monsters vs Aliens)

(past winners: Brad Pitt's 'Chad Feldneimer' in Burn After Reading, Russell Brand's 'Aldous Snow' in Forgetting Sarah Marshall, James Franco's 'Saul Silver' in Pineapple Express)

the Where Did You Come From award:
It's more than just a breakout year...

Christoph Waltz
- formerly known as 'the odd Nazi Colonel from Tarantino's Basterds who masked his evil behind a charming smile'
- now, the award winning genius with everyone in Hollywood fighting to sign him (half a dozen big projects in the works).

Zach Galifianakis
- formerly known as 'that fat bearded guy from the Hangover... ZaChh Gali-fee-ass-kee or something'
- now, the face of every new comedy and much more (involved in everything from HBO television like Bored to Death, to dramatic roles in films like Up in the Air)

Biggest Creepy Creeper Character:
It doesn't matter that there's a screen separating us from them, just being in a room with their image is enough to give me night terrors...

- George Harvey (Stanley Tucci - the Lovely Bones)
(ugh... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ikUWKi0W5_g)
- Jig Saw (Tobin Bell - Saw VI)
- Esther (Isabelle Fuhrman - Orphan)

(past winners: David Morse as Mr. Turner in Disturbia)

Most Hated Villains:
- George Harvey (Stanely Tucci - the Lovely Bones)
- the Last House on the Left Crew (Garret Dillahunt, Aaron Paul, Riki Lindhome - the Last House on the Left)

(Oddly enough, the victim of Stanely Tucci's creepy character in the Lovely Bones was Saoirse Ronan, who won the Hi-Jacked! Most Hated Villain award in 2008 for her evil workings in Atonement... comeuppance)

Favourite Villains:
- Ken Jeong as Mr. Chow in the Hangover ("Toodooloo, Motherf%@kers!")
- Christoph Waltz as Col. Hans Landa in Inglourious Basterds ("Wait for the crème...")
(see Waltz perform at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EgKwHHG7nXc)
- Seth Rogan as Admiral Seasholtz in Fanboys ("Uh, Darth Vader has asthma, so name one Star Trek character with a respiratory disease, 'cause I'm drawing a blank.")
(http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=06fzjUOoY9U)
- Christopher Plummer as Charles Muntz in Up ("An old man taking his house to Paradise Falls... and that's the best one yet. I can't wait to hear how it ends...")
- Planet Earth in 2012 ("You're telling me that the North Pole is now somewhere in Wisconsin?")
(the planet is pissed: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hz86TsGx3fc)
- Megan Fox as Jennifer in Jennifer's Body ("Do you buy all your murder weapons at Home Depot? God, you're butch!")
- Christian McKay as Orson Welles in Me and Orson Welles ("Every actor in his heart believes everything bad that's printed about him.")
- Rob Lowe as Brad Kessler in the Invention of Lying ("Okay, you're annoying me. Your voice is shrill. Goodbye.")
- the kids who played the Children in the Children ("Bye-Bye Mummy...")
- Kevin Spacey as GERTY in Moon ("I'm here to keep you safe, Sam. I want to help you.")
- the Demon from Paranormal Activity ("I don't give a f*&k what that thing says on the Ouija board!")

(past winners: Daniel Day-Lewis as Daniel Plainview from There Will be Blood, Ralph Fiennes as Harry Walters from In Bruges, Gemma Ward, Kip Weeks, and Laura Margolis as the Masked People from the Strangers)

Coolest Movie Abilities Prizes:

- Accelerating Humans via Power Suit (G. I. Joe)
- Having Superpowers (Push)
- Killing goats with one's mind (the Men Who Stare at Goats)
(truly amazing ability: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SreufFevUSw)
- Being Navi / Large, Blue, & Alien (Avatar)
- Getting Ladies (Nine)
- the Prone Arm / being Alien (District Nine)
- Eating Boys (Jennifer's Body)
- Hypnotic Charm (X-Men Origins: Wolverine - "Gambit")

(past winners: Curving Bullets in Wanted, Crash Landing one's Self in Ironman, Doing Math in 21)

Killing Naatzies vs the Zombie Kill of the Week vs Killing Nazi Zombies Competition:

When asked what is better, to kill Naatsies, Zombies, or Nazi Zombies, it's tough to pick favourites. It's much easier to put together a crew of killing machines and have a first team all-star line up of evil exterminators...
- Inglourious Basterds (the Basterds: Aldo the Apache, the Bear Jew, etc)
- Zombieland (Tallahassee & Columbus)
- Dod Sno [Dead Snow] (Martin, Roy, & Vegard)

'I Loved this Musical but don't tell anyone about it cause I'm a Dude' Award: Nine

Enter the mind of Guido Contini who loves too much, writes too little, and creates his next film italiano in his tormented head while the women of his world orbit his heart.
(dance to the Cinema Italiano @ http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hc9tAXAR8-c)

(past winners: Across the Universe, Sweeney Todd)

Greatest Musical Experience: It Might Get Loud
Magic on the Electric Guitar Prize: It Might Get Loud
Rockstar Ensemble Cast Award: It Might Get Loud
Best Documentary: It Might Get Loud
(You can see it, but just listen... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5sBLir8H2zM)

Real Love Stories:
Don't wait for the clichés, don't assume the Happily-Ever-After, don't expect the Hollywood Gloss or the Rom-Com formula, don't look for boy-meets-girl simplicity, don't long for the Perfect Love Story... don't miss these movies because of their Raw look at Love...

- Adventureland
-(500) Days of Summer
- New York, I Love You (the city and its love: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5katNrnYb8U)
- Up
- Cake Eaters
- Brothers (tough and true love: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rLlpabVRnyc)

(past winners: Alfie, Wicker Park, Closer, About a Boy, Wristcutters)

the Bromance:
Classic Bros-before-Hos features...

- I love you, Man
- the Soloist
- the Brothers Bloom
- the Hangover
- Sherlock Holmes (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tz6EMdaj-vQ&feature=channel)
- Appaloosa

(past winners: Wedding Crashers, Superbad, Ocean's 11, 12, 13, the Matador)

Life Lessons Learned: He's just not that into you
(get schooled: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NCn7WYYaCAc)

True and Absolute Depression Award: What Doesn't Kill You

Just when you think things can't get worse, they do, and they continue to get worse until they finally reach the point where they can't get any worse... but they still get worse. Complete Misery. Good movie, but miserable, no redemption what so ever... well there might be some here, But not much!

(past winner: Before the Devil Knows you're Dead)

the Burn After Reading Syndrome: the Men Who Stare at Goats

It's less of a story and more of a collection of ridiculous characters bumbling through random events, it's bizarre and brilliant, and bizarre.

the Emperor Wears No Clothes Prize:
High Rotten Tomato ratings, endless critical acclaim, big award buzz, five star counts, top-10 spots, great word of mouth, and I just can't figure any of it out. These movies are not good, at all. After much investigation and research and thought I have decided to file the following two films under 'Tricks of the Universe', and have accepted that I just don't get it...

- Drag Me to Hell (creepy: yes, weird: yes, scary: umm, not really, funny: YES!)
- A Serious Man (a much too serious man)

Non-Stop Laughs:
- I Love You, Man
- Funny People
- Fired Up!
-17 Again
- the Hangover
- the Proposal
- Extract (just beautiful: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=811u4u_2O80)
- Jennifer's Body
- Couples Retreat
- I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell
- the Invention of Lying
- the Men Who Stare at Goats
-Drag Me to Hell (It should be noted that this is supposed to be a horror movie... I just don't get it, literally laughable)

(past winners: Role Models, Step Brothers, Pineapple Express, Tropic Thunder)

Best Cheerleader Movie... Ever / Only Cheerleader Movie I have see... Ever Award:
You won't regret this...

- Fired Up!

Best Theme Song: the Tiger Song (the Hangover)
- No words, just emotion... sing along with the Ed Helm at the boys at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LgyxnbPZfTM

(past winners: Another Way to Die by Jack White and Alicia Keys - Quantum of Solace)

At the Face-Off:
Mano-e-mano, let the mind games begin...

- Lakeview Terrace
- Law Abiding Citizen

(past winners: Sleuth, Body of Lies, Deception, Catch Me if You Can)

Bad Ass Partners Award: Righteous Kill
Good-Cop, Bad-Cop, Crooked-Cop Award: Righteous Kill
Vigilante vs Revenge vs Justice Award: Righteous Kill
Old Dudes Acting Award: Righteous Kill

Did you miss it last year:

More and more I believe the quality of the industry is going to be funnelled passed the big screen. With the slipping class of today's Box Office success stories, the direction of the funding required to get a good story on to the picture-reel is leaving the fringe gems clinging to the DVD life raft. With each month that passes it seems that more of the 'Same Old', conservative 'Safe Films' are getting the Studio money muscle that is needed to put the adverts on TV and the Prints on the street, which means that those greats like Fight Club, Pulp Fiction, Lock Stock, and Out of Sight will only have company if you can find their new friends on the rental shelf. It's less risk for less reward at the theatre, but if you're willing to dig you'll find some fun like this:
- Sukiyaki Western Django
- Appaloosa (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yNWcJxEE13Y&feature=related)

The Must-See Straight to DVDs:
These are just 'good DVD movies' these are Great Films. At best you might find a limited release on one screen for one weekend, if you are in the right city...

- the Escapist
- Moon
- Fanboys
- the Brothers Bloom (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BgJ3WxsDmYQ)
- Hunger
- Fifty Dead Men Walking
- Sin Nombre

- Shrink
- Lymelife
- Choke
- Assassination of a High School President
- Me and Orson Welles
- Dod Sno (Dead Snow)
- It Might Get Loud

(past winners: Revolver, Sleuth, Felon)

Tourism Award: One Week

I can't believe I have lived in this country for over 25 years - I need to jump on my motorcycle and start my own adventure. Oh Canada!
(a great week... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vCy6ijUlI7A)

(past winners: In Bruges)

Blowing by the Expectations / the Underdog Award:
That was Great! and I didn't even think it was going to be 'Good'. I judge these books by their cover, all the time. How can you not? It's not wrong, it's just efficient. These were not only worth the price of admission, but they were worthy of a spot on my 2009 notables list:

- 17 Again
- Jennifer's Body
- Fast and Furious
- Donkey Punch
- G. I. Joe
- A Perfect Getaway

I'm Nerdy and I'm Owning it Award: Fanboys
- It's Star Wars vs Star Trek, geeks, dorks, nerds, and dweebs rejoice, you win on this one (somehow they make it seem cool)

Ending the World in Style:
From viruses, to ETs, geo-disasters, Earth was hit hard with style in '09...

- 2012
- Knowing
- Zombieland

(past winners: 28 Days Later, the Day After Tomorrow, Shaun of the Dead)

So Creepy:
What weird and warped minds came up with these stories? This is psychological terrorism posing as suspense. If you think you are numb to it all then just push play, and hold on to your fragile mind...

- Grace
- Surveillance
- Cleaner

Mr. & Mrs. Smith Award: Duplicity

- The movie works because like Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie, Julia Roberts and Clive Owen are probably exactly what real spies are like. I mean the world is definitely full of Daniel Craige style 007s, and handsome / rugged Matt Damon Bournes, that's just espionage, that's just how these things work. Duplicity: more than just pretty spies.

Beyond the Blockbusters:
Big Budgets and Bigger Expectations put more pressure on these films than most Features are able to stand up to. Like something released by Tarantino or anything staring Will Ferrel, it's all or nothing when it comes to these Calendar Countdowns. And yet even though they could lean on special effects, big action, and an established following, these movies rise up from mediocrity and secure themselves as more than just an excuse to smell the popcorn:

- Watchmen
- Wolverine: X-Men Origins
- Terminator Salvation
- Transformers 2: Rise of the Fallen
- Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince
- Twilight Saga: New Moon
- Star Trek
- 2012
- Avatar

Best Scenes:

- Dead Snow: Chain Saws, Sledge Hammers, and Nazi Zombies - a lot of blood on white snow.
- Watchmen: Opening Credits set to Bob Dylans Times they are a Changing unveils the alternate history of the world the heroes watch over.
- Taken: Byran Mills (Liam Neeson) explains to the kidnappers 'What is going to happen'
- Gran Torino: Walt Kowalski (Clint Eastwood) stands tall against the gang of neighbourhood thugs
- the Hangover: the Photo Montage that fills in all the blanks on the most anticipated forgotten night of the year.
- the Hangover: Alan (Zach Galifianakis) gives a speech on the roof of Caesar's Palace about his 'One Man Wolf Pack'.
- District 9: Wikus Van De Merwe (Sharlto Copley) mans up and makes a final stand in Alien Armour creating a poetic climax to the movie and proving that he is a true Hero
- Star Trek: George Kirk (Chris Hemsworth) goes down with the ship in an intense opening scene

- Uninvited, the: Anna (Emily Browning) pieces together the mystery in a haunting final montage
- Up: the montage of romance and heartbreak that introduces us to Carl Fredricksen and his love for Ellie (true love captured in 4 minutes: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VmZp_v7WN3o)
- Inglourious Basterds: Monsieur LaPadite (Denis Menochet) and Colonel Landa (Christoph Waltz) have a conversation over a glass of fresh milk.
- I Love You, Man: Pistol-Pete and Syndey (Jobin) Fife rock out in the Man Cave and 'Slappa da bass' to some Rush - full fledged bromance.
- Paranormal Activity: Micah wakes up to Katie's blood-curdling scream and finds an empty bed, he races down stairs and we are stuck on the tripod in the room left to our imagination... until we aren't any more.

- Moon: Sam Bell (Sam Rockwell) executes his plan to escape from his isolated prison and find a freedom that none of the other Sam Bells were able to get.
- the Hurt Locker: the opening scene in which Sgt. Thompson (Guy Pearce) creeps towards a roadside bomb sets the intensity level nice and high for the rest of the movie.
(beware of the tension: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bl_cFzTjI10)

- Transformers 2: Revenge of the Fallen: The Forest battle is an epic showdown set to a powerful score, that pits the best of the transformers against each other in a scene covered in tragic emotion thanks to Sam's (Shia Labeouf) audience.
- Last House on the Left, the: an intense climax is cut off by a black screen, when the final scene opens we see Krug (Garret Dillahunt) stretched out on a table with his head in a microwave, John Collingwood (Tony Goldwyn) then explains to him what's about to happen.
(Evil gets its comeuppance at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wux_H1EmcBk&feature=related)
- Righteous Kill: after getting found not-guilty, Van Luytens (Terry Serpico) struts out of the court room giving Turk (Robert De Niro) and Rooster (Al Pacino) a little smile. Turk hits him with all the De Niro you could imagine saying 'When you walk outside, watch your back.'
- Avatar: Jake Sully (Sam Worthington) takes his Avatar for a spin and we get to go along for the ride.
- Drag me to Hell: Christine Brown (Alison Lohman) is ambushed by the scariest gypsy woman of all time (Lorna Raver) and what follows is the creepiest and most disturbing fight that the big screen can hold.
- 2012: Jackson Curtis (John Cusack) convinces his family to make a run for it moments before the Earth opens up, what follows is a mind blowing Escape from Los Angeles.
- Jennifer's Body: Jennifer (Megan Fox) explains to Needy (Amanda Seyfried) what has happened to her, then some other stuff happens between the two friends...
- I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell: Tucker Max (Matt Czuchry) crashes Drew's Wedding and gives a raw, truthful apology that asks for nothing in return... but Tucker is still Tucker.
- Sherlock Holmes: Holmes (Robert Downey Jr.) quickly plans out his attack on an unsuspecting victim: "First point of attack, right ear. Two, throat, to muffle his scream. Three, cracked ribs. Four, sweep under right knee. In summary: neutralized. Chance of recovery: small." Then he does just that, in an amazing start to the movie.

the Fatal Flaw of the Twist Ending

- I had considered rhyming off a Top-10 Twists list, since 2009 was laced with such excellent film surprises, but even with a spoiler alert the power of the Unexpected would have been lost. It's the double edged sword of the Movie Twist; in order for the film's feature to carry the impact it was designed for, not only does the viewer need to know nothing of the details of the twists and turns, but they need to Not Know that there's going to be anything out of the ordinary at all. If you know there is a twist coming, you spend the whole movie waiting for it, and when it finally comes since the surprise has been exposed it holds no potential, no strength, no Mojo. But in many cases, without the twist, or the unseen event, or the uncertainty, the film is only 'Good', maybe even average. So therein lies the rub: How do you convince a viewership of a film's greatness without threatening to destroy it, when the only thing that holds it above average is the only thing that must remain secret? Luckily there's a trick to the Twist; in order for a Great Twist to work, it must house itself in a Good movie that then becomes Great, as opposed to a Bad movie that fights for Good. Which means that as long as you aren't afraid of Good, there's a strong chance you will run head on into all the glory of the perfect twist. Treasure that vulnerability, because every time you are caught off guard, the near impossible has had to happen without you even knowing it. Another piece of luck that you can take from this is that my approach to selling a twist movie is to tell the unsuspecting viewer that the movie is 'Worth the Watch', that it is 'Good', that 'I liked it', and since you know that this Yearbook represents the only movies you need to see from the '09 album... well, buckle up.

My Own Top-10... or Top-13:
- the Hangover
- Inglourious Basterds (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5sQhTVz5IjQ)
- Watchmen
- Star Trek (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iqXd6haFYqU)
- District 9 (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pHihFA8q8xI)
- Zombieland
- Paranormal Activity
- Sherlock Holmes (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fc0lq0WJGqg&feature=fvw)
- Up in the Air (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0g6uwDvhVu8&feature=related)
- Avatar
- the Hurt Locker (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hc0nJbMERCs&feature=channel)
- It Might Get Loud
- Pandorum

These are the best movies of 2009. You may want to shuffle them around, squeeze a few off the list, sneak a couple on, maybe even throw together a top 25 or 50, but those are all minor details... The bottom line is, these movies must be seen. Watch them all in one day. Okay, excessive, but put them on your To-Do list, and then Do them. Ready for the Guarantee: I know this, as you wipe away the tears, gasp for air between cackles, feel the warmth of your soul fill your body, put up with the ringing in your ears from the death screams, drop the "What are you kidding me?!?!" cries, manage the adrenaline that shocks your being, reflect on the big picture, appreciate the small things, get up and dance, and above all "Feel", you'll pause, soak it all up, decide that you are madly in love with Film, and find yourself saying, 'Damn Jack, that was a good call. That was Worth the Watch'. Enjoy.

!!!! Spoiler Alert - Zombieland !!!!

The Will Ferrel from Wedding Crashers / Surprise Performance Award: Bill Murray as Bill Murray (Zombieland)

- Nothing beats a great surprise Cameo. Tallahassee's love for the mysterious "B.M." was only matched by the great Bill Murray reveal. Murray wanders into the scene as a Zombie, but we quickly discover that he hasn't 'Turned', he just knows a make-up guy and had just got back from playing 18 holes of golf, "It was great, I just walked on". The private screening of Ghostbusters was also a precious moment for the Venkmen lovers of the world, as Columbus shows the same enthusiasm we have during his explanation to Little Rock, "This is so exciting , you are about to find out Who you are going to call... the Ghostbusters..." It doesn't make the movie, it doesn't distract from the movie, it just gives us an extra layer to an already strong film, gotta love the Surprise Performance!
(Great Scene!!! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qH3QktkuVg8)

(past winners: Will Ferrel as Chazz Reinhold in Wedding Crashers, Tom Cruise as Les Grossman in Tropic Thunder)

Honourable Sneak-Peek for 2010: Railed Up and Wrecked

- A new film by first time writer-director Neil Webb about an inner conflict that builds as a young, sheltered 21 year-old (played by Webb) delves into the mysterious past of his recently dead older brother. The film is raw, rough, and edgy, captivating audience with the incredible manifestation of a fractured mind. A sure front runner for Hi-Jacked! trophies.
(Sneak-Peek the Sneak-Peek it at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zQVLt6bDX5s)

Every movie listed in this Yearbook has earned the coveted Hi-Jacked! seal of approval, and efforts should be made to watch these films... all of them.

Need a little extra, want a little more, looking for another round of Hi-Jacked! style movies? Check out last years Yearbook at:

http://jack-webb.blogspot.com/2009/01/2008-movie-yearbook.html