The Grown-up World

Today as I sat at my desk, happy with the cold winter weather that swirled outside the warm and cozy office building where my comfortable little cubicle hides, I came across a clever parable that kindly poked fun at the North American Auto industry. I read through the parable with a smile. 'Parables are fun', I thought to myself, 'so is chatter about the silliness of the real world'.

The parable went a little like this:

A Japanese company ( Toyota ) and an American company (Ford) decided to have a canoe race on the Missouri River . Both teams practiced long and hard to reach their peak performance before the race. On the big day, the Japanese won by a mile. The Americans, very discouraged and depressed, decided to investigate the reason for the crushing defeat. A management team made up of senior management was formed to investigate and recommend appropriate action. Their conclusion was the Japanese had 8 people rowing and 1 person steering, while the American team had 8 people steering and 1 person rowing. Feeling a deeper study was in order, American management hired a consulting company and paid them a large amount of money for a second opinion. They advised, of course, that too many people were steering the boat, while not enough people were rowing. Not sure of how to utilize that information, but wanting to prevent another loss to the Japanese, the rowing team's management structure was totally reorganized to 4 steering supervisors, 3 area steering superintendents, and 1 assistant superintendent steering manager. They also implemented a new performance system that would give the 1 person rowing the boat greater incentive to work harder. It was called the 'Rowing Team Quality First Program,' with meetings, dinners, and free pens for the rower There was discussion of getting new paddles, canoes, and other equipment, extra vacation days for practices and bonuses. The next year the Japanese won by two miles. Humiliated, the American management laid off the rower for poor performance, halted development of a new canoe, sold the paddles, and canceled all capital investments for new equipment. The money saved was distributed to the Senior Executives as bonuses and the next year's racing team was out-sourced to India . Sadly, The End.

Attached to the Parable were a few additional thoughts:

Here's something else to think about: Ford has spent the last thirty years moving all its factories out of the US , claiming they can't make money paying American wages. TOYOTA has spent the last thirty years building more than a dozen plants inside the US . The last quarter's results: TOYOTA makes 4 billion in profits while Ford racked up 9 billion in losses. Ford folks are still scratching their heads. IF THIS WEREN'T TRUE, IT MIGHT BE FUNNY.

Not too long after enjoying the tiny tale, I received a second bit of commentary on the Big Three and their on-going struggle to stay on the road. It hit me with blow after blow of crazy-talk; benefits through layoffs, unions and their black-magic, payouts to the unemployed, bounus for the managers who ran the companies into the ground, and on and on, until I was on the ground getting the 10-count.

Second bit of commentary went a little like this:

Any successful business must be able to respond to fluctuations in demand for its products, but the Big Three’s job-security agreements with its unions make that process burdensome and costly. Earlier this year, I visited a General Motors assembly plant in Moraine, Ohio, that is scheduled to close on December 23. The Moraine assembly plant made SUVs, and since demand for SUVs has fallen sharply, GM decided to shut down the Moraine plant. Of course, it’s not that simple. The workers at the Moraine plant belonged to IUE-CWA, an electrical workers’ union with contracts similar to those the UAW has negotiated. As a result of those agreements, IUE-CWA members in Moraine were offered buyouts of $70,000 to $140,000 for any worker who voluntarily quits. Other workers were made eligible for early retirement. GM employees who don’t opt for a buyout or early-retirement package will qualify for GM’s supplemental unemployment benefits, meaning that GM will make up the difference between their former wages and their state unemployment checks. When the unemployment checks run out, GM will pay these workers 95 percent of their former wages for up to two years, depending on seniority. Workers with at least ten years of seniority are eligible for the Job Opportunity Bank Security program. This is the notorious jobs bank that allows laid-off workers to receive their regular hourly pay while sitting around doing crossword puzzles or reading the paper. If GM offers these employees an opportunity to transfer to another plant, they have the right to turn down a limited number of such offers. And if no offer is made, they can stay in the jobs bank until they retire. GM currently has around 1,400 workers nationwide in the jobs bank.

When I came to I was flabbergasted (which is a state I rarely find myself in - surprised sure, shocked of course, at times even stunned, but flabbergasted... this was a treat, I let me thoughts run rampant).

Rampant thoughts went a little like this:

WHAT THE- !??!?!?! How is this an option. Your work is no longer required because the business you chose to go into is no longer in demand... it's a tough break, but that's your loss, NOT my loss. This is a ridiculous situation. These workers basically get to chose between three options, all of which result in them getting paid to do nothing. And where is all this money coming from that is paying these workers to do a whole lot of nothing for anywhere from a couple months to 'up to Forever'? My hard earned pay check. First the Big Bad corporation empties their pockets and then when this useless company that builds a garbage product for waaaaaaay too much money runs out of moola, the government is forced to bail them out because if they don't the League of Un-Extraordinary Gentlemorons will execute their Usurping of the Thrown and destroy the country from the inside out. If I'm looking at this right, and I like to think I am, this SNL skit of a scenario has to be true, because no one would buy into a fictional plot this absurd.

I replaced the grounded 10-count with a cool-down 10-count. At this point I was calmed by the reassurance that despite the mass movement by the loony-toons of the planet towards utter chaos, the world still seems to work. We are kept on course by the few, who are able to take what the crazies throw at them and make sense of it. I could hear Frank Costanza’s response to life’s frustrations... ‘Serenity Now!!!!’

True, Serenity Now... Insanity Later. I think one of the most shocking part this exploration that I wandered down is the lack of distinction between the decisions being made by 'experts' in the Grown-up world and those being toyed with by the 'explorer' on the playgrounds. Maybe I expected more of this world I'm entering into, maybe I am a glass-half-full kind of guy whose setting himself up for disappointment, maybe somethings are so ridiculous that you just have to Tom-Cruise-it-from-Risky-Business and say 'What the F...' with a big old smile on your face.

Later in the day an email dropped into my inbox at just the right time convincing me that as I first suspected, some of these things have to be taken in stride, digested, and put into perspective. The email spoke of a father’s passionate address to a graduating class which his son would have been apart of had he not lost the battle to a debilitating mental and physical disease. The details of the story weren’t as moving as the message of human kindness that had surrounded the boy’s life, as people offering inclusion to the boy were constantly gifted pure happiness in return.

It’s far too easy at times to get caught up in the reasons the world needs help, and ignore the small moments that make those problems a concern in the first place. It was a small part of my day today, but it was an important roller-coaster ride for me to get caught on as I try to figure out this new scene, this Grown-up World.