1) I can relate.
2) I know it to be true.
3) I am still laughing about it.
There are of course other important categories that a story can touch on, like 'Unbelievable-ness' or the 'Get Out of Here!' trigger, the 'gross-out factor', the 'You Dog You...' quality, the 'Obvious Lie' approach, the '...AND the Guy Got the Girl' punch-line, 'Massive Irony', 'Clueless Stupidity', 'Unbearable Embarrassment', the 'Awwwwwwww' induced response, and of course the 'Hero' and the 'Villain' drivers. Now forget about all that. That's not what I'm talking about, because this story doesn't get into any of that (well maybe a bit of the 'Clueless Stupidity', and perhaps some of the 'Get Out of Here!' mixed with the 'Unbearable Embarrassment'). Either way, for now know this, the following is true. It involves real places, and real people, and real ridiculousness. For the sake of privacy, I have replaced the name of our Brave Narrator with 'Ronald'; partly because the name sounds noble and proper and should provide an amusing juxtaposition to the stories overall journey, but mostly because I think it's a fun name to say. Give it a try: "Ronald... RonAlllld'. Beauty.
Here is the email that I received the other day in all its glory:
October 8, 2008 2:40 AM
Greeting from Munich (or München as they call it here- I try to use those double dots every chance I get).
The tales I'm about to recount are the result of tossing a naive traveller into the bowels of Europe forcing him to learn on the fly, and mess up royally even more often. I can't promise to make you laugh, or cry, or any other type of human emotion, but I can say with certainty that at some point whilst reading this email you will say to yourself "Ronald, you dumb motherf**ker". Let me set the scene for you: I'm huddled on a desolate train platform in Poland clutching my backpack like a baby koala holds onto its mother at the top of a Eucalyptus tree, just hoping the next train will get me out of this mess. "But Ronald" you might ask, "you never told anyone you were going to Poland". I know this. I believe the best way to summarize the events that got me here is a list of lessons I learned that day:
-There is more than one Frankfurt in Germany; one is located centrally on the Rhine river while the other is very close to the Polish border.
-A person travelling on a very fast train in a foreign country should not sleep unless they are absolutely sure they are going in the right direction.
-My Eurorail pass is not valid in Poland.
-Getting reprimanded for not having a proper board pass is scary, getting reprimanded in Polish is even scarier.
-Getting kicked off of the train onto a platform where nobody speaks English makes you feel like a dumba$$.
Mistakes such as this lead to a very long day of travel...
So I ended up getting to Frankfurt at around 12:30 in the morning (the right one), but for awhile there I thought I was going to have to build a lean to and spoon my bag in the middle of nowhere.
Aside from occasionally getting lost (just like home...) I'm having an awesome time. Germany is an amazing place, and Oktoberfest is beyond anything you could ever imagine. It's insane. Oh yeah, and in Frankfurt some old dude (like really old, almost frail old) tried to put me in a headlock in the middle of a pub. Thank god for my cat like reflexes...
How's Calgary?
ps: You better start winning some floor hockey games- I'm a free agent at the end of the season and I'm entertaining some very tempting offers from Russia.
Ronald
This email was titled "Add Poland to my list of 'countries I've accidentally been to'..." Below is a map that emphasizes Ronald's Interesting approach to finding Frankfurt.
I still laugh, but only because I know the joys of losing ones way in Europe. Just over a year ago when I was juggling maps and jumping from one train to another, my brother and I managed to take the 'unintentional scenic route' well over a dozen times. In fact if we found our hostel without passing it three to four times first, it was a disappointment... (check out a few of the 'Webb mis-adventures' in our Europa Blog)
Neil and John Punch Europe in the Face!:
http://eurowebb.blogspot.com/2007/07/paris-london-you-know-just-your-average.html
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