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(the following is in response to a statement about nothing-to-do-with-movies, naturally I corrected that...)
I hear ya. I hear ya like the Titanic’s going down and someone whispered ‘space for rent’… The Titanic. I sometimes wonder how I would have handled the Titanic and it’s sinking and whatnot. I’m sure most people believe that at the very least they would end up like Leo, dying a heroic death in the name of love. Not a bad way to draw out an adventure in one’s head.
The best case scenario however would be a version of James Cameron’s Jack Dawson who not only gets the girl and crushes the Billy Zane AND defeats a sinking Titanic, but also finds time to save people along the way, namely women and children, perhaps the odd cute animal. Hero 101 stuff.
Sometimes I wonder if I would be one of those faceless action points that tumble from the raised stern of the bobbing ship and after a hundred feet of free fall smash into some piece of Titanic, spinning in almost a comical way, disappearing into the water, and helping to advance some other Heart-Throb-Hero’s story. Does everyone get to be the hero in their movie? We can’t all be Leo can we?
No question on this one though; Smashed up, free falling special effect guy is a terrible role. Wow do I ever want no part of that responsibility.
Maybe the best role to have is that of James Cameron, the puppet master himself:
“You, run this way. You over there, you jump overboard. You, fall and drown. You die. You die. You, yep, definitely die. You two start fighting, then both die. You live, but your whole family dies. Leo, you and… you, what’s your name? Kate, right, yes. Leo, you and Kate, you spend two hours and forty minutes falling madly in love, frolicking around the ship, not dying, all kinds of fun stuff, then Leo you just go ahead and die… Whaaaaaat? I have no choice, this is just good film making, just good old fashion storytelling. Little girls are going to cry for years about this one. ‘Oh Jack (whimper), or poor Jack (sob), what a hero, what a beautiful, romantic hero’, and queue the crying. It’s brilliant! Any questions then? Okay, excellent, you all work on that stuff and I’m going to figure out how to convince people that 7 foot tall, no wait, let’s say NINE foot tall blue things that look like silly-putty cat-people would make for a movie that’s cool like Aliens but heartfelt like this sinking ship emotional-pornography junk. It may possibly also have a thinly veiled message about hugging trees.”
I’m pretty sure if I had the role of James Cameron World-Maker, Heart-Breaker, I’d probably come off drenched in douche-baggery. It’s not for me. Not really my thing. The Jack Dawson version 2.0, saving kittens, winning over Rose, not dying, that’s more my speed. Hero 201 stuff.
The real question that comes to mind I guess, is how best to harness the Hero.
I’m not strong enough to handle being the Smashy-Faced Sacrificial Tumbler, I need me some satisfaction, some glory, some reaped reward. My vote is to take a regular dose of the Conqueror Cocktail – 1 part Determination, 1 part Charm, equal parts Raw Happiness and Grass-is-Greener Pursuit, a pinch of Ego, a twist of Refined Eccentricity, and as much Confidence as you can mix in. Take twice daily, smile more than you think you need to, and avoid uncontrollably tumbling through life like the Smashy-Faced Titanic Extra.
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(the following was part of a conversation about an afternoon snack I believe...)
In some cases, or many cases… most cases there’s a serious lack of question asking. In fact, it goes beyond not asking questions, beyond blindly tossing back pint after pint of The Koolaid, it starts with motivations. People can convince themselves of some pretty bold beliefs when they decide on the wrong driver – Flat-Earth, Health Benefits of Cigarettes, Easy-Bake People Ovens, I mean, Tanning Beds. Take the Walmart Phenomenon and run with that for a while; a Walmart emerges from the dust and rubble of a vacant lot and almost without exception the surrounding population packs on a little extra cushion.
The study goes something like (possibly paraphrased): Introduce a Walmart into the scene and people can’t help but load up on garbage because… ummm… “it was on sale, it was too good a deal to pass up, I love Walmart!”.
Of course. Totally. Makes the same kind of sense as drinking Diet Coke to lose weight... wait a minute. You hear the story and can’t help but mumble the words as you contemplate the state of a World full of Walmarts, “there’s no way someone would do that, no one needs to buy Cracker-Jacks in bulk”. Oh but they do. Yep, it’s one of those sales where you spend ‘X’ instead of ‘X+Y’ and suddenly all anyone talks about is how they’ve saved all that ‘Y’. What choice did they have? You gotta save the ‘Y’, you love the ‘Y’. F&$k ‘Y’, you just wasted ‘X’ and seem to think you got away with something.
All it takes is a little misdirection and suddenly, blinded by the idea of “the big Save”, one has acquired some perfectly terrible Junk at less than expensive. Brrrrrravo! Frozen Hell and Flying Pigs and whatnot should Walmart slash prices on not just the delicious but also the nutritious. (I use the word ‘delicious’ quite loosely, because implying that Cracker-Jacks are delicious and not simply a fun little idea in a good-old boy’s song and dance about a ball-game, is a little misleading). Walmart specializes in rolling back the cost on the inner-aisle, processed items, colouring up the food that has no business being consumed, and playing the expiry date game with the all natural grocery store players. Now, the study didn’t say the following per se, but I read between the lines: Walmart and Vegetables are frienemies. But “the Big Save” is good, right? Makes sense when you break it down. Because “Buy 3 get 1 Free” is always great, even if it means that you now have to deal with four boxes of Cracker-Jacks. Flawless logic.
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(the following was prompted by nothing more than the above rant, and possible someone telling me that An Inconvenient Truth is their favourite film... a Superman reference may have also been made)
Speaking of misdirection, weight gain, and Cracker-Jacks, the only way a loony such as Gore-Al does anything other than compete with a bald man’s scared hair line* for favourite average to slightly-above-average Baddie, is to guide us by ‘the Way of the Opposite’. I can’t recall if this technique was covered in Mr. Internet’s docu-comedy “A Convenient Lie”, or “The Truth about Lying Conveniently”, or “Give me money and I’ll magically pocket it while I talk about how smart I am and how everyone else has killed all the cute animals because they are evil, and GreenHouse-Gases and Carbon-Footprint and I’m Al Gore, Me Me Me, I’m Great!”… but the basic idea of ‘the Way of the Opposite’ is to listen, watch, do nothing-even-close to what he's talking about. 3 simple steps and you’re golden. Don’t be afraid to do some ignoring too, it will only make you a stronger, better person.
Does anyone else want odds that Gore is pulling a Joaquin (pronounced Jo-keen) Phoenix, and that when the time is right for his master plan of mischief to be revealed we’re going to hear the news that he’s just pretending to be a big condescending idiot? Double or Nothing that Ashton Kutcher is producing the whole fiasco.
* I know nothing of scared hair lines, I have only heard things, a friend of a friend kind of deal. This poor guy conveyed some anxiety over ‘Thinning’, and ‘Lack of Texture’, and ‘Issues with Combs’. Supposedly it’s quite the concern for a dapper and handsome young man, considered too young to have to deal with such matters. Understandable I suppose. It is said however that it is not so much the action of hair-loss that is associated with a lowering of self-confidence, but rather the obsessive attention to the topic that is linked to a low self-esteem - typically a pre-existing low self-esteem in fact. Along the same lines, as a Man, the rule is that looks don’t play nearly the role in overall attraction that we are lead to believe. It is confidence, personality, a genuine Authenticity that results in Mojo. These are merely theories though. When it comes down to it, it’s hard not to focus on my overly widowing– I mean HIS overly widowing peak when he’s had such a history of wind-worthy hair. How does one go from long luscious locks to the Tilted Chapeau? How can I not draw attention to– HE! How can HE not draw attention to the newly introduced skin, so pale and white? The worst part is that I can no longer get the same– Ugh! HE! He can’t get the same… fine I’m the friend, it’s me, action packed with issues, whatever, I'm over it. What?!... okay, to finish my last thought and then move on quickly to something less ‘revealing’; the worst part is that I can no longer get the haircuts I’m used to, turns out I’m no longer eligible for The Bieber. How am I to go on? How Biebs?!…
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Okay back to my point. Ahhh, you got me, who am I kidding, it’s all “the Point”. Drink it in and feel that good quality Ridiculousness wash over you…
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(the following is in response to diet, Paleolithic living, a conversation about television, and the word Girth...)
One of the main reasons I like hearing about all these studies and theories and health platforms is that something’s wrong out there. I might be doing pretty well**, but there’s a whole truck load of truck-loads out and about that aren’t anywhere near the idea of healthy. I know that genes may account for a little Chunking here, and Big-Bones there. I know that the odd Out-of-Your-Control scenario might contribute to one’s infestation of fat. I also know that there are theories and studies and research dealing with disease platforms that explain weight gain. But the bottom line is that people aren’t supposed to end up sick, unhealthy, and all Fatty McFat Gross like the girth walking around today. This is what I know.
Can the Biggest Loser possibly be a show on TV? What would Africa think? Better yet, what would Charlie Sheen think? Probably ‘Not Winning’, he would probably think that the Biggies on The Fatties are ‘Not Winning’ (BAM! There’s a current reference that isn’t Pop Culture from 1997, ah ha see, I’ve got more than Titanic shoutouts up my sleeve). But the ‘not-winning’ is only true for the first episode or two. The truth behind the Biggest Loser is that it’s a show about Triumph, Human Spirit, Strength. Qualities that result in Life at its best. The sad part is that instead of following a warrior as he ascends the impossibility of a Peak, or tuning into the merciless quest of an Olympic Dreamer, we’re rooting for the 396 pounds of fat that swallowed up the 150 pound man to set him free. How did this happen? When did people start weighing as much as cruise ship anchors?
I know that there is a problem, and that somewhere there must be an answer. I’m in no rush to find out though – beware the quick fix and the 6-Minute Abs approach to life. I’ll test the waters and create my own hybrid systems and continue to love hearing about new discoveries and understand that there won’t be one universal solution. I’ll ask questions, I’ll look for intel from multiple sources, and I will eat cake… on occasion. Because cake is gooooood, chocolate is gooooood, sugar is goooood (it’s also death, but it’s goooooood).
As for one overall theme with respect to Finding Health, I like the idea of Simplicity. Just like the Human Solidification issue. The acknowledgment of this issue is brilliant; if you’re Stuck then you’re Fu…. you get the idea. Essentially, you want to eliminate the prolonged periods of stagnation that morph your body from a Free-Running SpiderMonkey Acrobat into that Robaxacet Puppet-Man with the voodoo needle problems. Because a little ‘just do something’ can really go a long way. Speaking of which, time for my latest walk-about; the desk is just as evil as the Gore…
** or maybe not, perhaps I’m one Mercury Discovery away from finding out I’m the exception to a SuperHero’s origin story - Bit by a spider, poisoned, die; Exposed to radiation, get cancer, die; come from Krypton, can’t fly, allergic to Air, live a terrible life, then die. SuperHeroes have it so easy…
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Because really, what better time to breakdown the workings of Titanic than 14 or 15 years after it sank to the grossing of a Gagillion Dollars, or warn of Gore-Al’s ways decades after he began his rampage on the people of the planet, or weigh-in on the Biggest Loser world we’re growing into instead of… actually, the Fat Pandemic is pretty current and appropriate subject matter… but the fact remains, this is “what you get when you f$%k a stranger in the @ss”. Apologies, that was a tad bit too aggressive and a tab bit too Labowski*** for the tone of this post-age. But this IS however what you get when Hi-Jacked! is silenced and the flood gates are left unguarded; it’s Random, it’s Ridiculous, it’s Rude… it’s some seriously Righteous Ramblings.
*** There is no such thing as 'too Labowski'. The Dude abides...
